I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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