If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
