Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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