I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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