stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Let's get the cat blown out
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
