Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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