Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
