I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
