no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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