she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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