my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
