It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
