i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
