I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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