It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
