oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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