My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
