I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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