just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
