We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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