he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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