we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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