The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
