i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
