As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
