i jhust puked up my retainher.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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