he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
