i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
