I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
