Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
