my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
