If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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