You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
