Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
