Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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