i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
