Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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