I faked an abortion last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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