i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
