I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
