well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
