my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
