just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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