This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
