I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
