I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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