shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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