we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
