im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I believe in your delicious
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
