whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
