I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
