the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
