I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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