Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
