Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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