Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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